The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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