question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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