Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
