until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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