I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
