I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
