I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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