Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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