kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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