if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
