waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So vagazzling was a success
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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