I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
