I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
