the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Farmville is her only friend.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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