I want to make a zoo with you.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
