Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
