ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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