It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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