idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
