apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
