i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I love having hate sex.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
