I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize