I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
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I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
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i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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