I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
