Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My balls are so social today.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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