my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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