We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
