...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
