My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
