Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
