He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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