guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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