I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
