so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I won't apologize to a one balled man
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
