Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
