I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
