I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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