so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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