No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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