And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
