It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
