guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
