I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
