my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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