someone threw a dead crab at me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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