I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
