then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i permit you to call me
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
