She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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