i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
