I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
