He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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