Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
