Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
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when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
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Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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