filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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