I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
