i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
