none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You can't special order awesome
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
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How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
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Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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