why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
