I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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