You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
